Honest as Hell

November 12, 2016

 

 

Narrative:

 

Here at the Bed King, we're business men. Not the kind that snorts coke off a call girls bosoms in underground Chinese gamble houses on weekends. No, we're simply the type that would like to make more money every chance we get. And we know who you are. The type who are just looking at prices. The woman who's nagged her husband for a new bed for two years, the student, the newlyweds and then our personal favorite: the first time bed buyers.

 

Here's how it works. We simply usher you from the customer zone, to the friend zone, lubricating the path to our tills. What are you looking for...oh what a cute baby, how old is she? What price range are you...you'd want to fall asleep quickly with this one waking up every half an hour. Ever bought a new bed before? You like big beds? I can see do. What do you expect from your bed?

 

"We're not looking for something too expensive"

 

With this one you won't feel your partner move. He can literally jump on the bed. I'm not kidding lie down. I'll show you.

 

But our most skillful business acumen comes in with simply buying the beds for as cheap as we can from the bed makers. No, we don't make them ourselves. We do however make a profit by selling them to you for as much as we can without charging more than our competitors.

 

Yes, we have overheads. We have to pay our staff, rent the store, pay for the bed to come here but at the end of the day, we mark our price up at least 300% which means you pay three times more for the bed than we did, simply because we've got all these stores, we've got these cute name badges, we walk up to you and say things like, "that is a cute baby" and finally we've got the number of the guys who made the beds at a really cheap price and you don't.

 

Wait wait wait. Don't feel angry. That's what Uncle Tom's hardware store on the corner does, that's what your favorite fried chicken place does and that is exactly what the pharmaceutical companies do who sell you their drugs to help you get better.

 

Do you think those pills are really making you better? Is it in their best interest for you to get better? How else would they keep on making more money? Right?

 

And with our product, unless it has a huge spike sticking out from the center, you'll be fast asleep most of the time not even thinking about the extra 300% you had to pay to buy our bed.

 

Remember the big sale sign simple means that these things aren't selling and we've got other stock we'd like to put on the floor so please pay marginally less for this product so that we can just get rid of it. We've got a sale, and we want to know what your baby's name is.

 

120 second TVC

 

Market: International

 

Audience: Middle and high income

 

Product: In store product companies

 

Notes:

 

Our main character (the store manager) has an honest look about him, yet he has something off kilter.

 

The store employees who push the products are very nerdy looking.

 

The entire commercial only uses a diegetic soundtrack.

 

The customers are down to earth, real life versions of the people they portray. They are the people that everyone can immediately relate to.

 

HONEST AS HELL

 

INT. DAY. BED STORE.

 

The store manager signs a document on a clip board presented by one of his employees.

 

STORE MANAGER

 

Here at the Bed King, we're business men. Not the kind that snorts coke off a call girls bosoms in underground Chinese gamble houses on weekends.

 

INT. NIGHT. DODGY PRIVATE STRIPPERS ROOM

 

Typical old, dodgy looking business man with an expensive suite comes up right from snorting a line of cocaine. He smiles and has reveals a golden dollar sign inscribed on one of his teeth.

 

STORE MANAGER

 

No, we're simply the type that would like to make more money every chance we get. And we know who you are.

 

INT. DAY. BED STORE.

 

The manager is still standing in his store.

 

STORE MANAGER (NARRATING)

 

The type that are just looking at prices.

 

INT. DAY. BED STORE.

 

A guy is looking closely at a price of a bed and when the store attendant approaches he scurries away. He was so close to the sign that the store attendant smells the price sign to see if it doesn't smell funny.

 

STORE MANAGER (NARRATING)

 

The woman who's nagged her husband for a new bed for two years,

 

INT. DAY. BED STORE ENTRANCE DOOR

 

A women pushes her husband all the way into the store. She appears from behind him, having pushed him into the story, and as soon as she turns around he has turned around and started walking out again.

 

STORE MANAGER (NARRATING)

 

the student,

 

INT. DAY. BED STORE

 

A young guy takes a flying leap onto the bed and the legs of the bed give way.

 

STORE MANAGER (NARRATING)

 

the newlyweds

 

INT. DAY. BED STORE

 

The couple are kissing passionately. They fall over out of frame supposedly on one of the beds but we hear a loud plonk like they missed the bed and fell on the floor.

 

STORE MANAGER (NARRATING)

 

and then our personal favorite, the first time bed buyer.

 

INT. DAY. BED STORE ENTRANCE DOOR

 

A very happy couple with a baby enter the shop. They both move into different directions.

 

STORE MANAGER

 

Here's how it works. We simply usher you from the customer zone, to the friend zone, lubricating the path to our tills.

 

INT. DAY. BED STORE

 

The Store manager is in the foreground of the action that is about to happen. He sets the scene for us.

 

STORE CLERK

 

What are you looking for...oh what a cute baby, how old is she? What price range are you...you'd want to fall asleep quickly with this one waking up every half an hour. Every bought a new bed? You like big beds? I can see you do. What do you expect from your bed?

 

INT. DAY. BED STORE

 

The store clerk is taking the couple to various beds. He's very inquisitive and spends time between talking to the baby and the women.

 

WOMAN

 

We're not looking for something too expensive

 

INT. DAY. BED STORE

 

The woman looks at her husband earnestly and then at the baby with some reservations about how much money they have. The store clerk shakes his head with acknowledgment.

 

STORE CLERK

 

With this one you won't feel your partner move. He can literally jump on the bed. I'm not kidding lie down. I'll show you.

 

WOMAN

 

Honey this is quite important

 

INT. DAY. BED STORE

 

The store clerk is nudging her to get on the bed. He gets on the bed and starts jumping on it. The woman hands her baby to her husband and splays herself out on the bed next to the leaping store clerk. The store manager steps into frame again.

 

STORE MANAGER

 

Incredible. Yet our most skillful business acumen comes in with simply buying the beds for as cheap as we can from the bed makers. No, we don't make them ourselves. We do however make a profit by selling them to you for as much as we can without charging more than our competitors.

 

INT. DAY. BED STORE

 

The Store Manager steps into the scene again as the background action of the store clerk getting quite gymnastic on the bed continues.

 

STORE MANAGER

 

Yes, we have overheads. We have to pay our staff, rent the store, pay for the bed to come here but at the end of the day, we mark our price up at least 300% which means you pay three times more for the bed than we did, simply because we've got all these stores, we've got these cute name badges, we walk up to you and say things like, "that is a cute baby" and finally we've got the number of the guys who make the beds at a really cheap price and you don't.

 

INT. DAY. BED STORE

 

The dialogue is broken in a quick succession of actions as the store manager moves through different parts of store operations. A guy is stuffing his face with free doughnuts the store offers. The nerdy store assistant smiles into the camera adjusting his glasses. Shot of the storefront with a letter hanging slightly skew.

 

(The following is one continuous shot).

 

The store manager sits on a bed as it's being trolley-ed up a ramp into the store. He gets of the bed and rips a price tag of one of the beds. He opens his arms and takes a spin. He walks past of his store clerks and rips the name badge from his shirt. He walks up to the woman and man with the baby and addresses the baby quite sarcastically. He takes out his phone and puts it up to the camera. It's out of focus and he quickly lowers the phone again so as to hide the number.

 

STORE MANAGER (NARRATING)

 

Wait wait wait. Don't get angry. That's what Uncle Tom's hardware store on the corner does, that's what your favorite fried chicken place does and that is exactly what the pharmaceutical companies do who sell you their drugs to help you get better.

 

INT. DAY. BED STORE

 

The camera starts to retreat as if running away but the the store manager catches up to it. We see warm endearing staged commercial footage of Uncle Tom, an honest, hard working elderly gentlemen at his hardware store's counter smiling affectionately at the camera. The fried chicken place is manned by a Southern looking woman smiling heartily back at the camera with a bucket of chicken wrapped in her arms. Then we see a concerned scientist in a laboratory looking into a microscope and then turning to the camera with a trusty expression.

 

STORE MANAGER

 

(The Store Manager is now quite worked up and talking and gesturing directly into the camera)

 

Do you think those pills are really making you better? Is it in their best interest for you to get better? How else would they keep on making more money? Right?

 

(At the end he grabs the camera and speaks directly into it).

 

Black out

 

STORE MANAGER

 

And with our product, unless it has a huge spike sticking out from the center, you'll be fast asleep most of the time not even thinking about the extra 300% you had to pay to buy our bed.

 

INT. DAY. BED STORE

 

The store manager has completely relaxed. He's lying comfortably on his side on a bed. It appears as if someone perhaps gave him a muscle relaxer. He laughs inappropriately loud at the idea of the customer sleeping on the bed.

 

STORE MANAGER

 

Remember the big sale sign simple means that these things aren't selling and we've got other stock we'd like to put on the floor so please pay marginally less for this product so that we can just get rid of it. We've got a sale, and we want to know what your baby's name is.

 

INT. DAY. BED STORE

 

The store manager has his entire staff with him on the floor flanking him. He's talking very soberly. At the end he knocks a sale sign on a stand next to him down to just reconnect to some of that previous anger.

 

CLOSING SCENE

 

A women stands next to her husband and replies, "He's forty-two next week and the bed is his birthday present".

 

 

 

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